From Maryam Amir Facebook
Marriage is not a cure for your addiction. Or your depression. Or your trauma. Or or or… a person you marry is not a tool to fix your problems. And by fixating on marriage as a balm for your gaping wounds, you can painfully wrong another.
Folks must work on self-development without waiting for marriage to miraculously fill their gaping wounds. Go to therapy, get your health together, enroll in a rehab program now.
On a spiritual level, if you aren’t waking up for fajr now but gush about how you can’t wait for Mr or Mrs Perfect Muslim to gently sprinkle water on your face for qiyam… keep a cup of water next to you in bed so that you can drench yourself and WAKE UP. How can you rely for the appearance of a person who doesn’t yet exist in your life in this role to take responsibility for your worship? YOU wake you up! YOU be the worshipper you wish you could be!
Marriage can be a great tool of self-improvement and can help us change for the best, with God’s will. A blissful marriage is a great blessing from God and the creation and care of a family is a great act of worship. The right spouse can truly *help* (not be the end all) you find a sense of wholeness and healing and comprehensive support and sometimes a sense of loving even your greatest insecurities.
But you cannot expect that to *come* from someone else. That isn’t your spouse’s responsibility. You can’t want to get married so someone else heals you. God is the only One Who deserves that level of trust.
Work on your relationship with Him, work on your own mental, physical, spiritual, psychological nurturing and become the type of person you want to marry. And be the type of person someone else would thank God for marrying.