1. Do your due diligence. Brothers from the mosque are not all qualified to give a character reference for a brother, only those who have lived, worked or travelled with him are really capable to say if a person is good or not. Do a background check. Ask to see his credit rating. Stalk his social media. And be happy for him to do the same!
2. Find a wali who truly has your back, not just a technicality for the marriage. Even if you’re previously married, this is still a good idea.
3. Don’t rush. Marriage is half of faith, yes. But you need to establish the first half ideally before you bring another person into the mix. You should know the basics of Islam at least.
4. Don’t settle for a paltry mahr. Don’t be extravagant, but ask for what the women in his family get at least. Converts often are sought after as they’ll settle for a cheap wedding and a nominal mahr. Know your worth!
5. Becoming Muslim does not mean becoming Arab, Pakistani, Malay etc. Make sure prospective men know that life with you won’t be like life with someone from their culture. Make sure they know you’re not an object to be “moulded” by them into their ideal.
6. Don’t cross any of Allah’s SWT boundaries before you have the nikah/aqd. Don’t chat excessively online. Don’t “date” without a chaperone (and no, the Western public is not a chaperone!) Don’t send pics without hijab if you wear it. You want Allah SWT to bless your marriage, so be scrupulous in avoiding haram before it. That said, at some point, have a frank discussion about sex. You have rights in this regard, as does he. Make sure you’re both on the same page!
7. As my mum used to say, you gotta (figuratively speaking!)kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince. Don’t get disheartened. You will find the right one for you iA. You may meet 3 dozen jerks before that, but just imagine when you do find each other how special it will be!
8. Do get your family involved if at all possible. They may not be Muslim, but they know you very well. AInvolving them can be an amazing way to give dawah.
9. Pray. Pray. Pray. All the above is tying your camel… Now you rely on Allah SWT. Istikhara at every step of the process is invaluable! Constant du’a. Constant dhikr.
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