I grew up in a Christian family (Ukrainian background ) with a lovely mother and father and one older sister. Alhamdulilah, May Allah guide them to Islam one day if he wills-Aameen.

My father always used to take me to Church as a kid. I would attend Sunday school at the church and other than that really only went to church for Christmas and for the plays. I never connected with the religion and noticed a lot of people saying they were Christian’s and religious people but doing horrible things. And I had a lot of questions that could never be answered even as a kid.

In 2000, when we moved to Milton. When I was in grade 1, for some reason we stopped going to church. Not sure why. Growing up, We didn’t really have much religious practices in our household, other just getting together than “Christmas” and “Easter” and saying

“Grace”Before eating. When trials would come, and I would see bad and evil in the world, I started to feel lost and wonder what the purpose of life was. And why we are here. And believed there was too much evil in the world for there to be a God, so I began having atheist / agnostic beliefs. I started working in Correctional facility at 22 years old as a corrections officer . I saw even more bad, and evil, and I was dealing with my own internal struggles as well. I was really lost and depressed and kept contemplating what is the purpose of life…. At times in my early 20s I even contemplated just ending it all…I didn’t even know it but I guess I was asking for Guidance.. subhan Allah. I was going out every weekend to escape from my depression , partying. Always travelling and having the mind set you only live once.. only to try to run away from my own emptiness. When I was 24 years old I got in to Law enforcement, in Toronto, and when I just finished my coach officer training, I got partnered up with this male partner (now my husband) who I just fell in love with him/ his character and his kindness, well one night shift passes and then we knew we loved each other. Through him I got exposed to who Muslims are, to what Islam is, and I took it upon myself, to learn about Islam, not knowing anything at all about the religion, and to be quite honest having some Pretty horrible misconceptions about Muslims before from the media and the news. I was given a copy of the Clear Quran, and I opened it up and read a page or two. And something just clicked. Subhan Allah, It was like the smoke was clear. I watched so many revert videos on YouTube and saw all these white people and people from different countries who converted to Islam so I thought if they could do it I could do it too. I remember watching mufti Menk and just thinking this religion sounds so beautiful and I don’t even understand what was really Being said but it just made my heart full and happy. I just connected with it. Over time my love for Islam grew more and more and I knew I was destined for this. For the first time in my life, I felt peace, true inner happiness, connection with our Creator, I started to learn our purpose in this life, I Began to understand why people on this earth do bad things and why people are tested, and why bad things happen to good people sometimes. I began to learn about the contradictions in the Bible and how everything I was told and taught as a kid was pretty much wrong that’s why I never connected with it and only ran away from it. Alhamdulilah, I took my shahada one year ago, and then we got married 3 months later. Alhamdulilah
Coming to Islam was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so so grateful to Allah swt for guiding me back to Him. I have no words to thank Him.

May Allah swt keep us all steadfast and keep our hearts firm upon His religion. And use us as a means of giving dawah… and also helping other people learn About the one true religion. Aameen ya Rabbul Alameen

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I have faced ridicule from my family but at this point I was searching for a peace that I could not find in this world. No matter what I did or gave up I couldn’t find happiness. I gave up drinking smoking and parties and still felt like I wasn’t complete. Two years ago,  I found out that I had Hodgkin’s lymphoma cancer  and was told I would have to get radiation treatments at the Jurvinski cancer center here in Hamilton where I live, and when I went to the doctors to start my treatment I found out I was pregnant with my now 17 month old son. I was told to either choose to  save my life or give life and I put my son’s life ahead of myself and postponed my treatment carried my son for 36 weeks and had him removed to then start my treatments. I did my treatments in January 2019 I have been in remission since March of 2019 and I said God if you see me through and allow me to live long enough to give birth to my son I will give my life to serve you and this is a promise I made to myself and God. I have been through so much mental and physical abuse due to very bad relationship and I knew that the love I was seeking could only be found in Allah. This Tuesday I felt a sadness due to stress and feeling hopeless because nothing seemed to be going my way.  I said I need to get to that mosque ASAP or I might not be here to serve you God I told myself that if I don’t go now my children will be telling my story instead of myself so I drove to the mosque early morning crying and walked in and said I am not leaving until I am found because I felt I was so lost and that I didn’t want to to just be Alive because I had children. I told them that I needed more than that I needed a purpose .  I want to live for Allah and i don’t care what it takes I need help now. The brothers there were so kind and didn’t turn their back to me they were welcoming and told me don’t worry someone is coming now and there going to make sure you are saved today by the grace of Allah and you will take Shahada today . At that moment all I could do is fall to my feet and I weeped like a baby. I stayed there for the morning learning how to wash wudu and learned how to make prayer. I’m still learning to do the prayer alfatiah and one day Insha Allah I will know it. I’m excited to gain a new family in Islam and  I’m so grateful to you all and to the sister who came to meet me Tuesday to teach me and speak with me I’m so so grateful to the brothers that Allah put there because Allah knew what was in my heart and in my head that morning and Allah wanted good for me. Since Tuesday I’ve been crying tears of joy and I’ve been praying and telling Allah thank you for not forsaking me. I’ve been reading and I’ve been trying to learn the prayer in Arabic. I know I am not perfect but I want to try to make Allah happy everyday if I can because Allah saved me.

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When I went out in public and would see muslim women wearing hijab I would always give them a smile and say in my head I would love to be able to wear a scarf one day like this and show this amount of modesty and faith to god as this must take a lot of courage to do so. Unlike the typical negative and biased opinions from today’s society on hijabs and muslims I would praise them silently and not speak to my friends or family on this matter of how I really felt . How I really felt was deep down I did have a connection with them outside of the fact that my sister was a muslim and that one day maybe I could be one as well. Not once would my sister ever push her religion on to me when visiting rather she would let time do it’s work and trust that Allah (s.w.t) would guide me and show me the straight path if it was meant to happen. It was my calling to explore it more throughout the years behind closed doors you could say after being exposed to it throughout the years through her and other people that I would meet in later years down the road.

I was born and raised in Calgary Alberta and have a mix of ethnicities . French, German and quarter Japanese. I was baptized as a baby in the Lutheran/Christian faith. I have always believed in god and for quite sometime even prophet Jesus (s.a) . I would accompany friends to bible summer day camps as a child. In my adulthood I became interested in Catholicism through my Italian boyfriend at that time and attended catechism classes and went to masses held at Christmas time and Easter. But despite all this something never would truly hit me as the truth in my heart and speak to my soul. At that time I was devastated when I found out after investing time in studying this religion that I was not able to be confirmed in it as I was living with this boyfriend and not married so the Father told me at the end of my classes that he would not be able to confirm me . I know realize looking back that allah (s.wt) knew I was not meant to follow this religion and this is why I never entered it. Subanallah. After being given a hardship of this same common law partner leaving me after a ten year relationship I had to relearn how to love myself and pick up the broken pieces which took some time . I have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life and still do to this day but I would always have a conversation with Allah (s.w.t) to help me through the tough days and definitely had to have many conversations after this heartbreak to give me strength to move on. Needless to say Allah (s.wt) would be giving me some direct conversations in the years to come rather than the other way around.

A few years ago on my journey to healing I met a Muslim male from Afghanistan who started to
also show me the beauty of Islam as well but more so on a first hand account compared to my sister since he was a born muslim. . Some of these examples would be stopping everything to
pray and how humble and grateful he was for simple things I took for granted growing up as a
Canadian. He would say a powerful thing to me one day that “Brandi you just need to have
prayer in your life and it will help you in a lot of ways” and mashallah since converting I have
seen what he has meant by this. That feeling while you are in sujood and are completely in
submission to our creator is one that is so humbling and yet so eye opening to be grateful for
the present moment and all that we have. I was always drawn to the sound of the call to prayer
as well when I would hear it play and he would let me listen live when he was back home
visiting in Afghanistan and it would make the hair stand up on my arms . And to add another
interesting note it was this exact trip that he brought me back a keychain with the arabic name
“Sabira” that he was drawn to. This name means “patience” and who knew that this would be
now the muslim name I have decided to choose to go by due to the significance of the meaning
which I need to implement more of in my life and as a special way to honour this story.
After some hardships with this person as well as some ups and downs in our relationship we
were torn apart for a bit. Either it was an angel or Allah (s.w.t) directly spoke to me one day
and whispered in my ear “ you know what you have to do to make it right “. So we started
seeing each other again and allah (s.w.t) brought him back in my life for a reason to lead me
closer to Islam and finalize my conversion story.

Allah (s.wt) gave me quite a few physical signs in the last 6 months using nature and social
media, believe it or not, to affirm I was on the right path to taking my shahada. Such as a leaf
falling from the sky and landing in my cup of tea I was drinking one day outside despite there
being no wind and no leaves blowing around and I just finished reading a Quranic quote on
social media “ not a leaf falls but that he knows it”. And this was followed a couple weeks later
by a final affirmation involving another leaf. This time a huge single one laying on my bus stop
seat in the early morning before sunrise “fajr” time when I got there, despite there being a skiff
of snow on the ground at the time and most of the leaves disintegrated by then. God showed
me his mercy first with a tiny small leaf and then by doubling or tripling the leaf in size only
affirmed his significance. In both incidences I was overtaken with an overwhelming peace in my
heart that made me stop to see the beauty of this world and know that this was truly a physical
affirmation directed just for me and Allah (s.w.t) using it as a means to speak directly to me that
I was on the right path. Now I speak directly to him five times a day and have a beautiful
conversation with him and get this same peace he gave me by showing me those leaves.
There were quite a few other occasions throughout the years where a person, object and
social media were used to guide me to Islam which I won’t mention them all. One significant
example that I will share though is my sisters son at just four years of age whispered in my ear
one day. “ Aunty Brandi you know you will burn in the hellfire if you aren’t Muslim”. The
manner in which he said this and what he said shocked me at that time and I had forgotten this
incident until recently it came to me in my dream and I woke up remembering I had wrote it in
my journal years ago. Sure enough I did write it down and realized yet again this was allah
(s.w.t) giving me yet another affirmation. . My nephew is now eighteen years old and
mashallah I shared this story with him the day before taking my shahada and he had a smile on his face and knew that yes this was a direct message from allah (s.w.t) when he had said it
many years ago. ( I wish to add that I mean no offence to any non Muslims reading this about
the burning in the hellfire) but had to share this to add to my own individual revert story).
In the last 4 months before taking my shahada I took it upon myself to start reading the Quran
and learn some parts of prayer in Arabic and gain more knowledge I didn’t have before. I went
out of my comfort zone and attended the Being Me conference in Calgary by myself and have
made connections with sisters in Islam that will help me grow and be of a good support for me
now. I also made friends with other reverts and attended some halaqas at mosques while
wearing hijab to get a feel for it and even had the opportunity to attend a lecture done by
Nouman Ali Khan. Some of these connections have been amazing to say the least and have
lead to opportunities for me such as being able to share my recent revert story on social media
and having the recent opportunity of having a piece of clothing named after me . All because I
purchased a hijab and a shirt from a fellow sister who has her own clothing line inspired to
share stories of different women and I ended up wearing it while taking my shahada and she
was looking for recent reverts as an inspiration for her new clothing line coming out. All of this
has forced me into the “spotlight” you could say and out of my normal comfort zone. I have
been blessed with a new social life and friends which I never had before and always wanted
which can only help me grow as a new revert and as a women. There is definitely no mere
coincidence in life and I have always held the firm belief that everything happens for a reason.
Subhanallah.

To finalize my story I took my shahada on December 21 2019 and with Allah’s (s.w.t) blessing it
was done by sheikh Omar Suleiman at the RIS conference in Toronto. My sister and her family
got to be apart of it. It was a very intimate yet grand experience at the same time and the
emotion that overtook me while saying the testimony of faith was unforgettable. The liberation
I felt after and joy in my heart was my final affirmation that Allah (s.w.t) finally guided me to his
light. “ Light upon light allah guides who he wills”. He definitely guided me throughout these
past twenty years with my sister being the start of this exposure and then me seeing the signs
and other connections I have made through these last few years to lead me to what I now feel
is the truth and what was always the truth deep down in my heart all along. I just needed
reaffirmation of this to come to me for which it did. Mashallah.

I must add that I wish to thank my parents who have been supportive through this journey
having already experienced this twenty years ago with my sister’s conversion but my reversion
has been a bit smoother for them to accept and not so shocking as when my sister first did it. I
wish to also thank my family, friends and coworkers who have also been supportive of my
decision as well and have not been judgmental. Last but not least I would like to thank my sister
and her friend Melissa for always guiding me to the straight path throughout the years prior to
my reversion wether they realized it or not and showing me that as revert’s you can overcome
the obstacles we face and will continue to face unfortunately in today’s society as muslim
women. They continue to be my support throughout my journey along with other sister’s I
have met through them and who have become my muslim family. Alhamdilallah.

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Assalaamu alaikum wa ramatullah wa barakatu,
I would like to take the opportunity to share with you *My Journey to Islam* and I feel that by sharing this experience with you I could possibly help you on your journey through life.

We are all born into different cultures, countries and religions in what often seems a confusing and troubled world. Actually, when we examine the world around us, we can easily see what a troubled state it is in: war, poverty, crime and biggest of all Corruption.  Need I go on? So, when we look at our own upbringing and our education, how can we be sure that all the things that we have been told, are in reality the truth? Unfortunately, most people in the world choose to turn a blind eye to the root cause of worlds’ problems, and live the life for the worldly pleasures.

It has only been 3 months since I officially said my Shahada but It feels as though Islam has been in my heart for much longer, buried deep down underneath the surface. And with each and every struggle it would manifest in such manner where i would have this amazing amount of strength to go through that which seemed insurmountable. Now, that I rewind the film of my life events, I can with certainty say, Allah swt pulled me through it all and he knew why he was doing it.

I grew up in a Roman Catholic home, as a middle child of three, my sister, myself and my brother. My father passed away very young, at the age of 38, my mom was a widow at the age of 34. Throughout my life I heard about God on daily basis. It was instilled in us from my mother, a very pious woman, who still to this day prays 3&4 times a day. My Hero. My Rock. May Allah SWT bless her.

I had a near death experience at the age of 6months as well as after the birth of my, now, 5year old son. Alhamdulillah, may Allah grant me wisdom, strength and patience to raise him to His likings. Throughout my whole life I was facing challenges, obstacles, hardship of various degrees. Needless to say I was always praying. I stopped going to church a long time ago, stopped doing so may things the church taught us  (confession, Sunday Mass etc) it just didn’t feel right, I had doubts, I had questions, but I never made it a priority, to find those answers, because living my life was more important. Situational irony. I used to pray at home, most times so mechanically, just to get it over with. I cried when I was really stuck, I called upon him, I asked…most times my prayers were answered, not always in the way I wished but I was granted ease, but on the contrary I always felt empty inside.

Not too long ago, while going through another episode of hardship, I met a revert, a male figure in my life who accepted Islam at the age of 16, MashaAllah. As we learnt about one another, Islam was always a part of our conversations. It didn’t strike any interest from me, at all, as it contradicted everything I was taught to believe, everything my ancestors believed, regardless of my own doubts..I found it annoying after a while and would just consciously disconnect during those conversations. He was so passionate about it so much so that often he would take Qur’an out of his bag and reference to it. SubhanaAllah Not very long after, in the midst of yet another life crisis, strangest urge pulled me towards Islam, precisely via YouTube. I felt the need to find out what it was all about. So I typed word *Islam* in the search bar and the first choice available was Ustadh Nouman Ali Khans’ lecture on Beauty of Islam, Alhamdulillah. Everything snowballed from there. I was listening to lectures 3-4 hours per day, started praying almost immediately. Although I had no clue what and how I was supposed to do it, I bowed down, I prostrated I thanked. At this point, My past life made insignificant and very little sense, nevertheless, my future was about to commence with my heart fully immersed into Allahs’ love.

I Haven’t stopped listening to lectures since then. The interpretation of the Quranic translations and Tafseer put everything in such perspective that I was left wondering how I lived so lost for so long. My love for Islam was instantaneous, Among so many attributes and facts, what I loved the most about Qur’an is that it is textually coherent (i.e. not contradictory within its own text), it is factually correct, it is in harmony with the logical principles that govern normal human behavior.

Tears still fill my eyes, I cannot believe that Allah has brought me here and allowed me to hear his words, Allah saved me again, I think over and over again, and I bow down to Him, to my Creator, to my close, intimate Friend.

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(for those of you who want a long one)

If you ever needed proof that there is a God, this is the story!

This story starts with a Canadian girl in her early 20’s. I loved all things prohibited by Islam. I loved tattoos to the point that I was getting a new one every week, Trap music & Metal and By Allah I loved moslon Canadian a little more than I should have.

My 23rd birthday was fast approaching and as usual the plan was to get wreckkked. Plastered. Wasted. At the local bar that was down the steeet from my apartment with my boyfriend (now husband)

My birthday is In April near Easter and being brought up Christian it was something that I was looking forward to.

And my mind clicked, what am I honestly celebrating here?

This holiday makes no sense to me.

Is Jesus pbuh is the son of God or God as some believed. How could he die? And how did the Easter bunny become involved in such an occasion!

After doing a minimal amount of research, I came to learn that we were actually celebrating a pagan holiday intertwined with this religion that I have been blindly following! In this pagan holiday the bunny symbolizes the fertility of the spring and the search for hemords …. for lack of a better word “package” if you catch my drift.

I could not believe this, really.. astigfirallah!

So I dug just a little bit deeper and I realized Christmas was a lie too.

So later that day or week I went into my room and prostrated and asked God to guide me, to show me the way. As I was doing this I felt sharp deep scratches on my back and I immediately got up. Shook. Frightened. Terrified.

For a couple of days I was in this state.

Soon after I was reading a dawah book about the basic of Islam that I found at my father in laws house & it made sense… well for the most part. I wasn’t willing to except that Jesus pbuh was not the son of god and that Muhammed pbuh was a messenger. This was hard for me to understand as I was brought up Christian and this was a huge part of it.

Days later my now husband came home with a Quran and I started reading it.

This was not the first quran I had in my possession, I had been given several in my life and the always seemed to disappear in my parents home and when I did start reading it back the. I thought it was the wrong book because of the chapter named the heifer in English lol.

Soooo I began reading and Reading and it made so much sense to me. I knew that this is what God wanted me to be… a Muslim.

For days I kept looking up information and one morning I decided this is it. I’m a Muslim I don’t care. So I Youtube how do I become a Muslim. I took my shahada with my head hanging of my couch upside down alone. And it’s was beautiful I shed a tear.

I was still terrified as to how my family would react and even more so my boyfriend ( I was convinced he was going to leave me) but I knew that this is what Allah swt wanted me to do.

One morning I was getting ready for work and I put on a hijab and my uniform. Walked out into my living room and said “I’m a Muslim, I wear hijab now take it or leave it. This is what Allah wants me to do”

His

Response

Was

Mash’Allah

Mine was confusion.

( my words were “what the **** did you just say to me?” In my usual sailor mouth ways at the time)

He had been Muslim for months now and was too afraid to let me know because he thought I was gonna leave him.

I never did even up at the bar for my birthday or my next tattoo appointment ! Alhamdulliah

Our next step together was to get married, we knew we couldn’t keep living in this haram lifestyle together.

We were already discussing this prior so it was the right step to take.

My husband and his friend drove around aimlessly trying to find a masjid In Toronto that would marry us with no ID or a mahram. But we could not find one. Until I started to cry, I was adamant on getting married on June 4th. I was not going to do this haram life one more moment. So I prayed and prayed and he prayed and prayed. Finally at like 11 pm at night he came in the house and said we found somewhere. So I put on my cutest hijab and got in the car. The masjid was actually a trailor in the back of some buildings in the neighbourhood. The Imam asked me if I wanted to marry him and I said yes. He said somethings to him and then some words in Arabic to this day I have no idea what he said and at 11:57 pm we completed half our deen.

With ups and downs and bumps in the road ,we are still on our deen

With a beautiful 2 year old son(named Eysa, we thought it was only appropriate to name him Jesus) who runs around the house saying as Salaamu Alkiuem, Number and letters.

I know that Allah has chosen us, He even named us Muslim names as none muslims!

My birth name is Khadaija and his name is the name of one of the Sahaba.

Allah (swt) says: “Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you.” Hadith Qudsi.

Subhan’Allah I am a Muslim.

Thanks for reading.

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Sinead O’Connor

The post Our Journeys to Islam appeared first on Convert/Revert Support Group.

Me and my best friend in high school had a group of friends who were predominately Muslim, but he was an apostate and had a very poor outlook of Islam. He actually hated Islam and would tell me things that I now know to be untrue about the Quran and the Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him. Him and I would always debate over the existence of God, as he was an atheist and I was a Christian. This was my first introduction into exploring Islam, but unfortunately my opinion of it became very soured.

Meanwhile, I was raised in a Catholic family, and at 15 I decided to become an active Jehovah’s Witness. I was passionate about worshiping God and studying the Bible. I was very evangelical and I was the young woman who would knock on your door on Saturday mornings to ask if you really knew what the Bible taught, and was eager to teach you.

Fast forward to when I’m 22. I meet a young man and fall in love. My only concern is that he’s Muslim. Will his family accept me? What do they believe? Maybe I could introduce him to Christianity and make him love Jehovah. The more we talk about the Bible, the Quran and God, the more I begin to become fascinated with the Quran. He would talk about prophets and their stories and I would ask him how he knows so much about the Bible, but he said he learned all of this from the Quran. I began watching lectures and reading the Quran and realized how much the Quran was connected to the Bible. In so many ways there are far too many to list in this brief essay. In reading the Quran, it is a confirmation of what I read in the Torah and the Gospels. The Bible says new scrolls will be revealed, and that there will be another “helper” after Prophet Jesus. John 14:16: “And I will ask the Father and he will give you another helper to be with you forever”. I feel as though I was not changing my religion but completing it. Like I had 2/3 completed and now the Quran filled the final third and it was my knowledge of the Bible and being a student of it that ultimately led me to Islam. It was the clear logical connection of the Bible and the Quran, and it was nothing but proof for me that they were both inspired by God. I never in a million years thought I would have changed my beliefs, I was so set in them, but by Allah’s mercy He gave me an open-mind to seek the truth further and provided logical proof I and everybody could understand.

And so, I told my fiancé that I wanted to be a Muslim and I took my shahada. All the pain of the dunya was worth it for that one day, the best day of my life on October 30th, 2015. I decided I was going to be a Muslim, my whole life was about to change, the way I dressed was going to change – the only problem was that my family had no idea. I was terrified to tell them because when I left Catholicism to became a Jehovah’s Witness I was accused of being a fanatic, my mom told me that I was part of a sick cult, they would at times refuse to let me out of the house in fear I would go to Bible study with a group they were threatened by. Neither of my parents are religious, but yet the backlash was pretty awful. But I called up my mom and she told me she was happy for me. I went to my dad’s house, getting there before he got home so I could take off my hijab, and told him. I told him I was sick to my stomach for days in fear of telling him. He told me he was disappointed in me for thinking that he wouldn’t accept me. I was so amazed. They wanted to make sure I wasn’t becoming Muslim for my now husband, and so I had many long discussions with them and answered all their questions which was a great opportunity. I did face some concern from other family members, but nowadays everybody is a lot more relaxed about it.

I remember one of the the first times I ever went to a masjid, I wasn’t sure what to do. I waited in a chair outside the classroom, waiting for a class for new converts. Everybody approached me and said Salam alykum. As a new Muslim I was so excited and touched. I still remember to this day the first time somebody said Salam alykum in public to me. In the class I met so many new Muslims. Beforehand I was wondering if I would ever meet another convert but here I was with a class full of converts from every background and walk of life. They shared my excitement when I told them I had became Muslim a couple months ago. In this class I learned the foundations of Islam, met my best friend and many other friends, and found a masjid where I felt peace. My best advice to new converts is to seek a community like this, and to also be careful of where you find your information for learning Islam. As our goal is to learn the pure Islam, free of cultural influence. But most of all, reach out to Allah. He guided you to Islam, He loves you, and He wants you to ask Him for help. It may be a roller-coaster, but if you hold firm to your faith, you will always have everything you need.

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I was raised as a Christian. I grew up celebrating Christmas and Easter, and going to church on and off during certain periods of my life. There were times when I detested going to church because I thought it was BORING, and there were times when I went to church because I had a genuine curiosity about The Bible. My curiosity about The Bible wasn’t a sincere curiosity about the religion of Christianity or even about God. Now that I reflect, I was just interested in the stories of The Bible. I remember at around age 10, my family wasn’t attending church and I felt left out in school when other children would talk about the Bible stories they learned in Sunday school. I was fascinated by these stories and I wanted to be able to participate in the conversations too. I asked my mother if she would let me go to church with my friend and her family and my mom allowed me. I enjoyed that time because I felt included and part of a community. I attended that church for about two years and although I learned about stories from the Bible, I didn’t really comprehend the concept of God or develop a personal relationship with God.

As a teen I lost my interest in going to church and I lost my curiosity about The Bible. I still considered myself to be Christian, but didn’t put much thought into what that meant. During high school I was exposed to more people of other religions and although I was curious about different peculiarities about how they practiced their religion, I never questioned their beliefs. I never had deep thoughts or questions about religious belief systems or even about different concepts of God. When I would interact with people of other religions I was more curious about why they couldn’t eat certain things that I ate, why they couldn’t dress the way that I dressed or why they couldn’t participate in certain events like I did.

During this time in my life, although I was friends with Muslims, what I knew about their religion was very superficial. All of this changed when I met someone who had recently converted to Islam and our conversations provoked me to start questioning why I was a Christian and what that meant. We had conversations about who God is, who Jesus was, and the origins of Christian holidays like Christmas and Easter. I never considered questioning my beliefs before this. I just accepted what I was taught my whole life and trusted that everything I was taught was factual.

At this point I was curious about Islam, but had no intentions of becoming Muslim. If anything, I was trying to learn more about Christianity so that I could prove to the Muslim convert who raised all of these questions that their understanding of Christianity was wrong. One of the first things that this person told me was that Christians believe that Jesus is God, whereas in Islam there is only one God, God is not a man, and God doesn’t have any offspring. I remember becoming defensive and saying I never believed that Jesus was God, nor was I taught that. Or was I? I wasn’t sure. That uncertainty I incited me to start going to Church again.

Going to church as an adult after not attending for years was a different experience. My perspective on life had changed. My interests had changed. My intentions had changed. My church going experience as a child was passive, however as an adult I went with purpose and with specific questions for which I was seeking answers. To my surprise, one of my most pressing questions was answered very quickly. Do Christians believe Jesus is God? I remember standing up during the hymn singing portion of the Sunday church service and seeing the answer boldly projected on the screen in the form of lyrics, “Jesus is Lord”. It couldn’t be any clearer or more direct than that. How had I not known this? How did this crucial tenant of Christianity escape me all of these years? What else was I ignorant to regarding Christian beliefs?

That moment was a pivotal moment in my life. It lead me down a path where I started to look at everything I was taught and being taught with a skepticism that I hadn’t had before. I felt like my blurry vision had been corrected, despite not knowing I had less than perfect vision to begin with. However, although I experienced this epiphany and gained this new perspective, I still wasn’t ready to become Muslim. My reluctance didn’t have much to do with doubts concerning Islam, I just feared making such a life altering decision. I was worried about how much becoming Muslim would change my life, and even more worried about how people would perceive me, including how my family would react to me converting. I spent months wrestling with this decision in my head. I tried to dedicate more time to learning more about Christianity and Islam. The more I learned about Christianity, the more confusing it was to me. If Jesus was God, who was he praying to? Who wrote The Bible? Why doesn’t Jesus refer to himself as God in The Bible? However, the more I learned about Islam, the more concepts about God, life, and the universe made sense to me.

Despite my greater understanding of Islam and my belief that it was true, I still struggled with my decision to “officially” become Muslim and take my Shahada. I took a book that had very little to do with teaching the beliefs of Islam to finally get me to accept in my heart that I in fact wanted to be Muslim. The Autobiography of Malcolm X greatly influenced my decision to take my Shahada. The way in which the book was written makes the reader feel like he or she is immersed in the narrative. You feel like you’re experiencing Malcolm’s life journey with him. With the influence of the teachings of The Nation of Islam (a religion that despite its name is inconsistent with the main tenant of Islam, Tawheed), Malcolm transforms into a man of upstanding morality and character, however these teachings encouraged racial division and racist beliefs about Caucasian people. Near the end of his life he discovers the true teachings of orthodox Islam (founded in the belief and worship of only ONE God) and because of this he forgoes his racist views. For some reason his transformation resonated with me. It amazed me how his belief and worship of God alone had such a profound impact on his life and how much he was willing to sacrifice to declare this belief. By the end of the book I had accepted that although we had very different journeys, Malcolm X and had come to the same conclusions about the purpose of life and our concept of God. Shortly after finishing The Autobiography of Malcolm X, I got in touch with the person who had initially introduced me to the teachings of Islam and revealed that after all the months of questions, research, and investigating, I was finally ready to become Muslim. I took my Shahada and I am grateful that God guided me to Islam.

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