I grew up in a Christian family (Ukrainian background ) with a lovely mother and father and one older sister. Alhamdulilah, May Allah guide them to Islam one day if he wills-Aameen.

My father always used to take me to Church as a kid. I would attend Sunday school at the church and other than that really only went to church for Christmas and for the plays. I never connected with the religion and noticed a lot of people saying they were Christian’s and religious people but doing horrible things. And I had a lot of questions that could never be answered even as a kid.

In 2000, when we moved to Milton. When I was in grade 1, for some reason we stopped going to church. Not sure why. Growing up, We didn’t really have much religious practices in our household, other just getting together than “Christmas” and “Easter” and saying

“Grace”Before eating. When trials would come, and I would see bad and evil in the world, I started to feel lost and wonder what the purpose of life was. And why we are here. And believed there was too much evil in the world for there to be a God, so I began having atheist / agnostic beliefs. I started working in Correctional facility at 22 years old as a corrections officer . I saw even more bad, and evil, and I was dealing with my own internal struggles as well. I was really lost and depressed and kept contemplating what is the purpose of life…. At times in my early 20s I even contemplated just ending it all…I didn’t even know it but I guess I was asking for Guidance.. subhan Allah. I was going out every weekend to escape from my depression , partying. Always travelling and having the mind set you only live once.. only to try to run away from my own emptiness. When I was 24 years old I got in to Law enforcement, in Toronto, and when I just finished my coach officer training, I got partnered up with this male partner (now my husband) who I just fell in love with him/ his character and his kindness, well one night shift passes and then we knew we loved each other. Through him I got exposed to who Muslims are, to what Islam is, and I took it upon myself, to learn about Islam, not knowing anything at all about the religion, and to be quite honest having some Pretty horrible misconceptions about Muslims before from the media and the news. I was given a copy of the Clear Quran, and I opened it up and read a page or two. And something just clicked. Subhan Allah, It was like the smoke was clear. I watched so many revert videos on YouTube and saw all these white people and people from different countries who converted to Islam so I thought if they could do it I could do it too. I remember watching mufti Menk and just thinking this religion sounds so beautiful and I don’t even understand what was really Being said but it just made my heart full and happy. I just connected with it. Over time my love for Islam grew more and more and I knew I was destined for this. For the first time in my life, I felt peace, true inner happiness, connection with our Creator, I started to learn our purpose in this life, I Began to understand why people on this earth do bad things and why people are tested, and why bad things happen to good people sometimes. I began to learn about the contradictions in the Bible and how everything I was told and taught as a kid was pretty much wrong that’s why I never connected with it and only ran away from it. Alhamdulilah, I took my shahada one year ago, and then we got married 3 months later. Alhamdulilah
Coming to Islam was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so so grateful to Allah swt for guiding me back to Him. I have no words to thank Him.

May Allah swt keep us all steadfast and keep our hearts firm upon His religion. And use us as a means of giving dawah… and also helping other people learn About the one true religion. Aameen ya Rabbul Alameen

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As-Siyam generally means “to abstain from something.” For example, a verse in the Quran says: “I have vowed to the Merciful to abstain – that is, from speaking.” What is meant here is abstaining from the food, drink, and sexual intercourse from dawn until sunset with the explicit intention of doing so (for the sake of Allah).

The Virtues of Fasting:
Abu Hurairah reported the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, saying: “Allah said: ‘Every action of the son of Adam is for him except fasting, for this is solely for Me, I give the reward for it.’ The fast is a shield. If one is fasting, he should not use foul language, raise his voice, or behave foolishly. If someone reviles him or fights with him he should say, ‘I am fasting.’ twice. By the One in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, the [bad] breath of the one who is fasting is better in the sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection than the smell of musk. The one who is fasting is happy at two times: when he breaks his fast he is happy with it, and when he meets his Lord he will be happy that he has fasted.” This is related by Ahmad, Muslim, and an-Nasa’i. A similar version was recorded by al-Bukhari and Abu Dawud, but with the following addition: “He leaves his food, drink, and desires for My sake. His fasting is for Me… I will give the reward for it, and for every good deed, he will receive ten similar to it.”

Abdullah ibn ‘Amr reported that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: “The fast and the Quran are two intercessors for the servant of Allah on the Day of Resurrection. The fast will say: ‘O Lord, I prevented him from his food and desires during the days. Let me intercede for him.’ The Quran will say: ‘I prevented him from sleeping at night. Let me intercede for him.’ And their intercession will be accepted.” Ahmad related this hadith with a sahih (meaning “authentic” or “sound”) chain.

Abu Umamah reported: “I came to the Messenger of Allah and said: ‘Order me to do a deed that will allow me to enter Paradise.’ He said: ‘Stick to fasting, as there is no equivalent to it.’ Then I came to him again and he said: ‘Stick to fasting.’” This hadith is related by Ahmad, an-Nasa’i, and al-Hakim who classified it as sahih.

Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that the Messenger of Allah said: “No servant fasts on a day in the path of Allah except that Allah removes the hellfire seventy years further away from his face.” This is related by “the group”. except for Abu Dawud.

Sahl ibn Sa’d reported that the Prophet said: “There is a gate to Paradise that is called ar-Rayyan. On the Day of Resurrection it will say: ‘Where are those who fasted?’ When the last [one] has passed through the gate, it will be locked.” This is related by al-Bukhari and Muslim.

Types of Fasting:
There are two types of fasting: obligatory and voluntary. Obligatory can be further subdivided into the fast of Ramadan, the fast of expiation and the fast of fulfilling a vow.

The Fast of Ramadan
(2:183-185) O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may self-restraint. [Fasting for] a prescribed number of days. … The month of Ramadan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur’an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion. So whoever sights [the new moon of] the month, let him fast it; and whoever is ill or on a journey – then an equal number of other days. Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful.

From the sunnah we have the following statements of the Prophet: “Islam is built upon five pillars: testifying that there is no God except Allah and that Muhammad is His Messenger, the establishment of the prayer, the giving of zakah, the fast of Ramadan and the pilgrimage to Maakah.” Talhah ibn ‘Ubaidullah reported that a man came to the Prophet and said: “O Messenger of Allah, tell me what Allah requires of me as regards fasting.” He answered, “The month of Ramadan.” The man asked: “Is there any other [fast]?” The Prophet answered: “No, unless you do so voluntarily.”

The Virtues of Ramadan and the Deeds Done during it
Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “The blessed month has come to you. Allah has made fasting during it obligatory upon you. During it, the gates to Paradise are opened and the gates to hellfire are locked, and the devils are chained. There is a night [during this month] which is better than a thousand months. Whoever is deprived of its good is really deprived [of something great].” This is related by Ahmad and an-Nasa’i.

Muslim relates that Abu Hurairah reported the Prophet saying: “The time between the five prayers, two consecutive Friday prayers, and two consecutive Ramadans are expiation for all that has happened during that period, provided that one has avoided the grave sins.”

Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “Whoever fasts the month of Ramadan, obeying all of its limitations and guarding himself against what is forbidden, has in fact atoned for any sins he committed before it.” Ahmad related this hadith with a good chain.

The Consequence of breaking the fast of Ramadan
Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: “Whoever breaks his fast during Ramadan without having one of the excuses that Allah would excuse him for, then even a perpetual fast, if he were to fast it, would not make up for that day.” This is related by Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and at-Tirmidhi.

The Arrival of Ramadan
This event is confirmed by sighting the new moon, even if it is seen by just only one person, or by the passage of thirty days in the immediately preceding month of Sha’ban.

Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet instructed: “Fast after you have seen it [the new crescent] and end the fast when you see it. If it is hidden from you, then wait until the thirty days of Sha’ban have passed.” This is related by al-Bukhari and Muslim.

The Essential Elements of the Fast
The fast has two essential elements (literally, “pillars”) that must be fulfilled for it to be valid and acceptable. They are:

(1) Abstaining from those acts that break the fast:
(2:187) It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives [for sexual relations]. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them. Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He accepted your repentance and forgave you. So now, have relations with them and seek that which Allah has decreed for you. And eat and drink until the white thread of dawn becomes distinct to you from the black thread [of night]. Then complete the fast until the sunset. And do not approach them as long as you are staying for worship in the mosques [I’htikaf]. These are the limits [set by] Allah, so do not approach them. Thus does Allah make clear His ordinances to the people that they may guard themselves against evil.

This is also based on the following hadith: “When the verse ‘Eat and drink until the white thread becomes distinct to you…’ was revealed, I took a black thread and a white thread and placed them underneath my pillow. During the night I looked at them to see if I could distinguish between them. In the morning, I went to the Messenger of Allah and mentioned that to him and he said: ‘It is the black of the night and the white of the day.’”

It is also the time that Fajr starts.

(2) The Intention
Allah instructs in the Quran: “And they are ordained nothing else than to serve Allah, keeping religion pure for Him.” The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “Actions are judged according to the intention behind them, and for everyone is what he intended.”

The intention must be made before Fajr and during every night of Ramadan. The intention is valid during any part of the night. It need not be spoken, as it is in reality an act of the heart which does not involve the tongue. It will be fulfilled by one’s intention to fast out of obedience to Allah and for seeking His pleasure.

Who must Fast
Every sane, adult, healthy male Muslim who is not traveling at that time. As for a woman, she must not be menstruating or having post-childbirth bleeding. People who are insane, minors, and those who are traveling, menstruating, or going through post-childbirth bleeding, the elderly, breast-feeding or pregnant women do not need to observe the fast.

(2:183)…So whoever among you are ill or on a journey [during them] – then an equal number of days [are to be made up]. And upon those who are able [to fast, but with hardship] – a ransom [as substitute] of feeding a poor person [each day]. And whoever volunteers excess – it is better for him. But to fast is best for you, if you only knew…

Making up the Missed Days of Ramadan
Any days except few exceptions, after Ramadan and before the next Ramadan, can fast. Women who missed the fasting in Ramadan due to menstruation and childbirth, do not need to make up the missed prayers, only need to make up the missed fast.

The Forbidden Days to Fast
(1) The days of Eid.
(2) The days of Tashreeq (that is the three days following the Eid al-Adha)
(3) It is prohibited to single out Friday as a day of fasting. If one also fasts Thursday or Saturday, then it’s permissible to fast on Friday.
(4) It is forbidden to fast on the “day of doubt”. Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah said: “Do not precede Ramadan by fasting the day or two before it unless it is a day on which the person usually fasts.”
(5) It is forbidden to fast every day of the year.
(6) It is prohibited to fast consecutive days without eating at all [al-wisal].

The Manners of Fasting
(1) Eating a pre-dawn meal. Al-Miqdam ibn Madyakrib reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “You should eat this pre-dawn meal for it is a blessed nourishment.” This is related by an-Nasa’i with a good chain.
(2) Hastening in breaking the fast. Sahl ibn Sa’d reported that the Prophet said: “People will always be with the good as long as they hasten in breaking the fast.” This is related by al-Bukhari and Muslim. Anas reported: “The Messenger of Allah would break his fast with ripe dates before he would pray. If those were not available, he would eat dried dates. If those were not available, he would drink some water.” This hadith is related by Abu Dawud.
(3) Supplications while breaking the fast and while fasting.
(4) Refraining from performing any actions that do not befit the fasting. Fasting is a type of worship that draws one closer to Allah. Allah has prescribed it to purify the soul and to train it in good deeds. The fasting person must be on guard against any act that may cause him to lose the benefits of his fast. Thus, his fast will increase his God-consciousness. Fasting is not just refraining from eating and drinking, but it is also refraining from everything else that Allah has forbidden. Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet said: “Allah does not need the fast of one who does not abandon false speech or acting according to his false speech.” This is related by the group, except for Muslim.
(5) Using the tooth stick [brush]. It is preferred for the fasting person to use a tooth stick or a brush for teeth.
(6) Being generous and studying the Quran.
(7) Striving to perform as many acts of worship as possible during the last ten days of Ramadan.

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Al-Qadr (القدر) is the belief that Allah has decided everything that will happen in the world and in people’s lives, which is also called Predestination. (87:2-3) “Allah created and proportioned and who destined and [then] guided.”

Life is like an online game. The game developers have designed the ground, no matter whatever direction you choose, you will meet with different fate. The whole game depends how well you play because you have the ultimate control in the game. 

It’s like our life. Allah has finished designing this game and whatever good or bad, it’s already there. Then Allah gave us free mind to decide our move, no matter what our move is, we will meet our fate that we choose. 

(39:62-63) “Allah is the Creator of all things, and He is, over all things, Disposer of affairs. To Him belong the keys of the heavens and the earth. And they who disbelieve in the verses of Allah – it is those who are the losers.”

Life is a series of decision-making. Allah created good and bad, including everything we need in this world. It’s up to us to decide how we play this game. Allah gave us this game menu – Quran to read and to follow. It’s true, many people seem very successful in this game without reading the menu. However, we see only what our eyes see, we measure success only from people’s appearances, wealth, education, authority and so on.  However, we do not really know what all these people are and will be going through.

(4:78) Wherever you may be, death will overtake you, even if you should be within towers of lofty construction. But if good comes to them, they say, “This is from Allah “; and if evil befalls them, they say, “This is from you.” Say, “All [things] are from Allah.” So what is [the matter] with those people that they can hardly understand any statement?What comes to you of good is from Allah, but what comes to you of evil is from yourself.

(42:30-31) And whatever strikes you of disaster – it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much. And you will not cause failure [to Allah] upon the earth. And you have not besides Allah any protector or helper.

Allah said the ultimate winner will be really known after the world ends (which means all the players will be ended at the same time).  Many people started the game earlier and left earlier. Since many of the people simply do not really believe they will have a final bonus there to wait for them, so people simply fail to realize. (23:62) And We charge no soul except [with that within] its capacity, and with Us is a record which speaks with truth; and they will not be wronged.

Of course, Allah said (44:38-39) “And We did not create the heavens and earth and that between them in play. We did not create them except in truth, but most of them do not know.”

This is just a simple analogy for us to realize the predestination. Allah has created everything in pairs, including good and bad. It’s up to us to decide how you want to meet your fate. This life ends, and will be final until Day of Judgment. We cannot restart like the video game. So, stop, think, vision what kind of life you want, and always remember to set one of the ultimate goals is to Jannah, then plan and EXECUTE, at last but not least, Dua to Allah for guidance, knowledge and wisdom. You will steer through whatever barrier in front of you, Insha-Allah. 

May Allah guide us always to His Right Path that pleases Him the most. Ameen

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I know where my thoughts stand on the topic of modesty and the hijab and I want to point out something. I’m not a scholar not even a student of knowledge, but I do know one thing from what I’ve learned from my own personal experience of being at one extreme end of Islam. I used to be one of those who used to look down on those who don’t cover or who beautify the hijab. I used to be harsh and displayed arrogance towards those who didn’t cover properly.
I realized, everything is from Allah and not from my own self. For those who cover correctly and do it as worship to please Allah, this is not from your own hands. This is a blessing from Allah so you shouldn’t display yourself to be better than anyone else because Allah can change your heart literally in a heartbeat and the roles can reverse.

You may become like those you are criticizing and dehumanizing. May Allah protect us from that. But what I’m trying to say here is, instead of pointing out the obvious importance of hijab and covering and telling everyone who doesn’t cover what they probably already know, we should be addressing the core issue.
And what is the core issue? We don’t know Allah as well as we think we do. It is knowing Allah, tapping into your fitrah & purifying your heart. Emaan doesn’t grow in the heart and stay there. When it grows it will show through our actions. When it shines through, hijab will be easy, Salah will be easy and every worship will become easier. Because when you know and love Allah, all worship will become easier, you will just want to do it. Why is it easy to show love to your kids? Why is it easy to sacrifice things for the ones you love? Because it comes from the heart.

Worship stems from love for Allah. So if you see sisters not wearing hijab or not covering properly, instead of stating what is already obvious, try to share more things like what is the true meaning of loving Allah, how do we learn to love Allah? How do we learn to know Allah? We also need to learn to know ourselves and love ourselves in the process. The relationship between you and Allah and you and yourself needs to be fixed and needs to grow in order for everything else to work.

Purifying our hearts, unlearning what society has ingrained in us, introspection, self dialogue are some ways to start tapping into knowing yourself and knowing Allah.

We need to address the heart before we do anything because actions are by intentions. If the heart is not sound, the intention will not clean and it will show through our actions.

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2nd Episode is here – https://linktr.ee/thecamelliasbloom.podcast

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I was like a droplet of dew on a green leaf sitting and waiting patiently for a slight movement to uplift the weight of the water of my past.

Like a crisp early fall morning with leaves spread out on the ground forming a mosiac of colors. Each color of my past stained me and the silence encompassed me.

You have been near me all along Al-Wali, protecting me and shielding me like the leaves of a precious and delicate flower. I just never realized how close until you opened up the beautiful petals.

Like a dry dead leaf crushed in one’s hand, a thousand fragments of feelings spread about. You came and reformed those broken brittle pieces into bright and beautiful foliage.

You let that single small leaf fall from your blessed lote tree high above. Like a single feather from an angel’s wing gracefully floating down right in front of me.

Your leaf got my attention and you showed me your mercy through the very nature that you created.

Like a single sprout that flourishes into an enormous leaf. You reaffirmed in me yet again your unsurmountable mercy by tripling the size of the second leaf that came to me.

Like the veins that run through a transparent leaf for nourishment, you flow through me, feeding my soul with the ways of our beloved prophet to grow closer to you.

Like a straight line of beautiful trees along a pathway each with a million leaves blowing in the wind, you guided me to as-Sirat al-mustaqim.

Like the trunk of an oak tree in a vast forest, I will remain strong and attached to you in this world until it’s time to uproot me to the akhirah. For like you say in your beautiful book of guidance and mercy “not a single leaf falls without his knowledge” 6:59

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As we all sit at home in lockdown
we ponder and reflect on this new way of life and remember the hustle and bustle of the old. 
This pandemic has us all panicked on the outside but has forced us to remain calm in the inside. 
Time is now spent on more important things such as family, studies and spiritual connection.
The almighty has finally forced us to stop and look at what is actually important and to be grateful for what we have.
We can take this time as a personal journey to reflect and analyze our own soul and improve the qualities that have been damaged by the negative influences of this world. Such as haste, ungratefulness and greed. Such as hatred, racism and jealously.

It is the fear of the unknown that has hit many and forced them to rethink what is now to be a priority in our lives when it should have been all along.

This covid-19 may not have infected us all but it sure has effected us all. 

God has proven that he is in control now and always was.  It unfortunately took a worldwide pandemic to create a personal pandemic within ourselves. 

The only cure for this is to stop our sinful habits and start anew. Forgive one another and treat one another with respect and kindness.  Most importantly  we should live each day like it’s going to be our last breath as so many have had to unfortunately do. 

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